Take That Negative Feedback

{flickr photo by BalaSub}

One of my favorite blogs Young House Love wrote an honest and helpful post on Dealing With Criticism the other day. While I’m one of their long time loyal fans, I found this last one so inspiring simply because of how applicable their post was to not just blogging, or even writing, but life itself.

How often do you crumble to the ground when you receive negative feedback?

Being a writer takes guts. It takes courage to write your thoughts on paper and then an extraordinary amount of resilience to brace yourself when the crap comes. Because it will. If you’re good and your words are read by many people, then you will spark good and tear worthy comments. It’s the risk you take when you open yourself up as a writer.

The question is, “How do you deal with it?”

I’ve learned a lot of lessons in the 5 years I’ve been self-employed. I’ve learned that what seems good isn’t always so good and what initially appears to be bad isn’t so bad after all.

It’s Usually Not About You

One of the most important things I learned in social media is that negative comments (I mean truly negative not just constructive criticism) usually comes from a place of disappointment, grief, jealousy, etc.). In other words, it has nothing to do with you.

Over the last year or so that I’ve worked in social media, I’ve had a handful of people criticize my thoughts, opinions, questions, etc. Not just with statements like, “I don’t like this or I don’t like that,” but like, “what the heck is this and is there a real person writing this?” sentiments. Shame-worthy stuff. Although my initial reaction is to want to melt into the pavement like the Wicked Witch of the West, I’ve learned to suck it up. Not just take it, but respond to it with compassion and grace.

The amazing thing is that every time I’ve responded this way, I’ve gotten a, “I’m so sorry. I was having a bad day. I lost someone I loved…” Or I realized that it wasn’t something I said or did, but that individuals felt bad about themselves or were upset and something I said triggered something in them. Most times they wanted to feel heard, validated, understood.

While I can’t say this is always the case, it has definitely helped me to rise about petty comments and potentially offensive remarks. I hope you realize this too. The next time someone writes a snide comment on your blog or emails you with a hurtful response to an article or tells you that you’re a bad writer to your face (this really happened to me by the way), remember that their rude responses may have nothing to do with you or your work.

And then just keep writing.

My dad gave me advice once as a young adult. When I was upset that untrue rumors were being spread about me, he said, “You must be popular then. They only talk about the popular people.” I’d say that same advice applies to your writing.

Got a negative comment? Well you must be popular then. =)