A Writer’s Therapist: Ways to Deal With Rejection

Just this Thanksgiving, I sent out a silent prayer of thanks for an inbox void of rejection letters. Guess what I received a few hours later?

Thank you agent for taking time from your busy holiday schedule to decline my manuscript!

In my writer’s critique group, I am the only one who has sent over a 100 submissions with not one acceptance letter. Yet, I continue to work on my craft every single day. Am I crazy? I just have faith that with time and hard work, I’ll eventually get there.

But even I lose hope every once in awhile.

When your primary jobs involve submitting to agents/publishers, and raising two young kids, your days are full of reasons why you should give up or in. Positive response feels as likely as winning the lottery. Publication can feel like the gold at the end of the rainbow. The more you chase it, the further away it goes.

To keep persevering, which I heard one literary agent say on a podcast recently, is the number one obstacle to publication, I set up lots of easy wins in my life. Multiple activities that make me feel like I’m succeeding at something.

I hope you’ll get inspired to incorporate a few into your own life.

1. Cooking/baking: Completing a project that looks and/or tastes good and has a mighty fine purpose of feeding my family feels amazing. The simpler the recipe the better like this one. My new trick is to google what we have in the house and find a recipe for it.
2. Exercising: 7-minute exercises or anything under 10 minutes are my jam. This 2-minute one is intense and super fun. It’s an easy way to make me feel like I accomplished something even if I only submitted one query or picture book submission cover letter. Plus, it’s important to move when most of your day is spent sitting on your butt.
3. Crafting/decorating: By far my favorite way to be creatively inspired. I DIYed this snow globe 8 years ago along with these Christmas trees and it’s still a mainstay in our home during the holidays. In fact, this is the first year in awhile where I contributed to my handmade holiday decor with these felt wintery costumes: a scarf, hat and reindeer antlers for my kid’s stuffed animals. Directions were from the recent issue of Parents magazine. They were simple and made me feel like a crafting queen.
4. Reading: Whether it’s a good book on writing (literally Steven King’s book On Writing), or any book that shows how someone survived a major obstacle, I’m reminded that 1) I’m not alone on this rejection rollercoaster 2) successful people endure phenomenal amounts of rejection. It’s all part of the admirable title, “author,” so I’m willing to put in the work.
5. Writing: Getting published anywhere can provide a good boost to your self-esteem. Sometimes it means writing for free to get clips or your name out there. When you are submitting and getting a free flow of rejection slips, seeing your byline in a local pub can feel amazing.

this is part of my new column to aid writer’s on the quest of getting published. if you have a question on writing whether it’s about how to get published or on the emotional side of things such as persevering through writer rejections or dealing with negative emotions like envy or fear, I’m happy to answer it. names can be anonymous. just shoot me an email and your question can be featured on one of these posts.