I want to tell you a secret. There is something I LOVE more than writing (well, besides my husband and kids, of course.)!
It’s coaching.
I took a quiz recently and between a creator and guide, I actually scored guide. I think my heart is in helping others find and pursue their calling. I’ve helped my clients achieve everything from becoming first-time authors/motivational speakers to losing weight and fulfilling their dream of traveling. For most of them, it only took 2-5 sessions to get there. So it was an affordable life change.
But for those of you who are not ready just yet, here is a simple way that you can test whether you’re on the right writing track.
If you’re a new writer, writing can feel like wading through a muddy pond and other times like running from a tiger. Being in the muck it’s difficult to see the forest from the trees. Writing alone feels like it’s what you’re supposed to do. But sometimes you need another set of eyes and ears to see if what you’re writing is worth pursuing or if you should chuck it and start again.
Here’s how to know the difference.
Read what you wrote aloud.
In a different voice. Printed in a different font type. As an email message. Or as a text message. Doing these things can trick your mind. When we’re too close to our prose, we need tricks to give us perspective.
To second that, take time away from your work.
Then read it again.
Share the piece that you’re unsure about with a writer buddy.
Tell them you’re not looking for changes in grammar, but the feel of the overall text. Also, listen to the way you’re describing it. Is your tone full of passion or do you sound like you’ve got the life drained out of you? Sometimes we can pick up on things we’re writing that feels forced compared to what we’re really excited about.
Remember the why of why you wrote it.
And who are you writing it for? Sometimes our writing gets stale like a bag of chips in Hawaii (I should know since this never happened in California) when we put who in front of why. For example, if you’re writing for a teacher or impress a parent, you’ll easily lose your mojo of why you’re writing it in the first place. Sometimes your why and who are the same. But be clear that your intention isn’t to please or impress someone else. Instead, the reason may be to move or entertain or tell a story that hasn’t been told. This is vital to writing that’s fresh. I’m going to make this a two-fer and reveal another secret. I’ve interviewed potential clients whose why was about their desire to be famous and declined working with them. If you’re going to write something long like a book, you need a stronger why than to have your name on the cover.
Decipher whether it’s just burn out.
How do I know that this is the end of the road or I’m just burnt out? Good question! Maybe as an INFJ I’m sensitive to the energy of I’m tired of writing this because this isn’t a story I’m interested in pursuing versus I’m tired of writing this because I’ve been working and reworking this for 7 years. The latter is a true story by the way. The way you know the difference is to check in with your passion for it. If you leave your story on the side and you keep thinking about it, there’s a good chance that you were just burnt out. You can easily tell the difference if you watch a really good bad reality show, pick up on the next chapter of a steaming good read, or work on something else. Did you miss it? Is there a tiny flame still alive? If so, you might just need a good editor or critique partner to get you fired up again.
Every story, long and short, is like a relationship.
It takes patience. Loads. You will likely want to leave it. It will disappoint you. And you may wonder and some point if you made the right decision to begin it in the first place. All of this is normal. The one thing I learned as a marriage and family therapist in training is that all relationships take work and there’s no such thing as a fairy tale ending. Just because you feel exasperated with your work or your relationship for that matter, doesn’t mean that it’s time to call it quits. If you can remember, in both cases, why you fell in love with it in the first place, there’s hope that things will work out in the end. That’s where the hard work and patience comes in.
If you tried these things and you’re still not sure, I’d ask you point-blank, why are you holding on to this story?
What if you were going to put it away for now? How would you feel about that? But mostly, I could tell through the lens of our Zoom session that you were afraid of going deeper. That when we distance ourselves to stay safe our writing suffers. And so it’s never the story. It’s the story we’re telling ourselves about the story. And that’s where coaching gets interesting and where the real work begins.
