When I first started my career as a full-time freelance writer, I didn’t know what I was doing. I made a ton of mistakes. I still do. But in looking back, I realized I neglected one thing.
Myself.
I’ve been reading Julia Cameron’s classic book The Artist’s Way. It’s taught me how the decisions we make about who we bring into our lives can have a powerful impact on our creative as well as personal life.
She says:
“Whether they appear as your overbearing mothers, your manic boss, your needy friend, or your stubborn spouse, the crazymakers in your life share certain destructive patterns that make them poisonous for any sustained creative work.”
Genius! Really. It didn’t even dawn on me until now.
I realized that the negative people I surrounded myself with in the past were impinging on my writing. Not only did I need to deal with my own self-consciousness, but the external voices of those disappointed with their own lives. That’s too much for sensitive people like me. And it may be too much for you too.
What really got to me is this line from Cameron’s book:
“Not surprisingly, the most poisonous playmates for us at recovering creatives are people whose creativity is still blocked. Our recovery threatens them.”
What I’ve interpreted this to mean is that while I cannot completely remove all negative people in my life, I can choose to depersonalize what they say to me. I can decide how much time I want to spend with them and find a new positive support system that will help nurture my artistic spirit instead of one that drains it. In fact, it’s imperative.
If you are on the path of greater creative growth, you will be tested of this time and time again:
- Every time a potential client wants to bargain you down from what you feel you truly deserve.
- When a writer friend continuously throws cheap shots at your writing.
- Whenever you choose to let a family member read your work, hoping for positive feedback though you know they are incapable of giving that.
How will you meet this challenge? Will you take care or neglect yourself for somebody else?
There was a rather startling revelation for me in the midst of my corporate career. I realized how much energy it takes to be negative or let negative people drag you down. Even though I had my aha moment, I still fell back into bad routines.
I hit my breaking point and left to start my own business. Since doing that I have found it much easier to walk away from the negative with a simple question – is this worth my energy?
Love this post, Brandi. It epitomizes what I find special about you – you are definitely positive energy.
Thanks Cathy! =) I love how you are conscious about your intentions and that you have the courage to back out when you realize a situation is draining your energy. And of course, I’m grateful for your last comment. Although I’m not always positive, I try most moments to be. Thanks!
Great post, Brandi! The Artist’s Way is a great resource, and those passages are definitely true.
Thanks Mahesh! That’s why I surround myself with positive peeps like you and Cathy!
What a great topic! I used to have some friendships that were emotionally draining until I finally “woke up”. They were actually the anti-friendships: negative, self-serving, superficial, and actually quite boring. I realized that it was okay to let go of the bad ones so that I could devote more attention to the good ones. I would rather have two or three deep and trusting friendships than a thousand superficial ones. My husband is the opposite which is why we were in the situation in the first place!
The friends I have met on Twitter and through blogging have been instant friends because we have at least two things in common: a love for reading and writing! That’s already a step in the right direction.
Wow, what odd timing. I just dug that book out yesterday and read the crazymaker section from Chapter 2 to my wife. We have someone in our life that fits that person to a T. I’ve found that since re-committing to creative writing the last year, I’ve had to not discuss that with her (despite discussing it to the world on my blog) because it’s so easy for her to shut me down creatively, even if she doesn’t mean to consciously. Good luck finding the right balance of people in your life; I’ve found the virtual world is full of affirming individuals.
@Hallie, Thanks for your comment! I think it’s easy to hang out to the friendships we’ve accumulated through the years, but doing what you did-having awareness of how they were affecting your life and deciding to take care of yourself instead is courageous. So great that you’ve found your own positive tribe via social networking! I think that’s the best thing about it too.
How funny Patrick! I also connected with another writer who is also reading Julia Cameron’s, “The Artist Way” right now. We should have a book club just for that. I’ve garnered so much insight from her book. Sorry to hear that you’ve got a crazymaker in your life. But then again it’s inevitable at some point. I wonder if it’s worthy telling her that you’re feeling this way? Like you said, she might not know it and may change her ways if given the opportunity. Thanks for your comment! I’m building up my positive group as I write this. =)