“Ask and You Shall Receive”

The belief that we should ask for what we need is a difficult concept for me. I am a woman for one and a minority for another. I’ve been brought up to believe statements like, “You can’t really do anything about it. Don’t bother/make trouble. Just let it go.”

This is the reason why I used to wonder if I was born in the right family. If I didn’t look so much like my parents, I might really question where I came from.

Instead, I took on a different belief system. The belief that I could do anything and be anything, if only I asked. It still wasn’t easy, however, to get past this long-held belief. Every time I ask for something I need, I take a deep breath, grasp onto faith, cross my fingers, say a prayer, and do anything to deal with the anxiety that starts when I do anything contrary to what I was raised to believe.

It doesn’t help that when I do ask, I sometimes get the reaction I fear. On one occasion, I asked an employer for $2/hr more per hour than she was offering for a permanent in-house position. The pay was still significantly lower than she was currently paying me as a freelancer and under the average rate for a copywriter. Instead of saying she simply couldn’t offer it. She looked at me with disdain and said she was “shocked” that I would ask her for more.

Another woman employer didn’t pay me, stopped contacting me and giving me writing jobs, all because I asked her about the bonus 1) listed on her website 2) she said she would pay after a period of time. The bonus was $1.

These experiences make me continually question myself and analyze my approach. Should I be asking for higher pay? Was my family somehow right in saying I should just accept things and “not stir the pot?”

Yet, I kept hearing from my male colleagues how they always ask for more money and always get it. So I kept pressing on.

Here’s what I learned:

Don’t stop asking for what you need. Sure there are situations where I felt guilty about asking for more pay or more time, but in the end I am responsible for myself and my work. There were definitely times when I got a less than favorable reaction, but there were also a ton of times I got exactly what I asked for and more.

Case point: I encountered two new clients recently (both men) that not only attempted to meet me where I was, but did not think it was “surprising” or “upsetting” that I asked for what I needed.

Sometimes it’s not about you. Money is power and a lot of people have issues with power. I’ve come to realize that some people have issues with money that have nothing to do with me. In the end, it’s all about finding the right fit and not compromising your worth of your values.

Because you’re worth it. I think L’oreal got it right when told women, “Because you’re worth it.” We are worth it. Don’t let any person bully you into thinking that you don’t deserve to be compensated for the hard work and sweat you put into your work. You do. Why? Because you’re worth it!