Why 2020 Killed My Imposter Syndrome

I was interviewing another writer who shared the same insight that I had this year. That with everything else that has combusted in 2020 (vacation plans, truth in government, belief in humanity) one thing stood out as being the lone win. For once in my writing life, the whining insecure I’m not a real writer was shot, and a real-er more likable writer took her place.

Somehow while everything else went down the drain, my self-esteem came out intact. Not only that, but I gained the balls to query places and apply to opportunities that I would no way even consider BP or Before Pandemic. This has led to a surprising amount of acceptances.

There’s a lot of things that may be responsible for this shift in internal insecurity. And I’m sharing it with you so you too can move forward with that same gusto and quiet certainty that yes you can write well and getting published is a realistic undertaking.

If you have an ego of steel and can’t understand what I’m griping about, please feel free to skip this post.

1. When meaning-making is your superpower. For the first time in my life, I openly discussed, recorded and shared how I felt about what was going on in the country. I interviewed amazing writers and speakers on what they felt about racial issues in our country. I want you to know that in middle school I was SO shy that I didn’t even want to smile in public for the fear of being seen. You can imagine how giant this was for me. But when it comes to creating something that MEANS something to you, you’ll find that fear falls away. You’ll become emboldened by a message more important than your niggling fear of sounding dumb. Seriously.
2. When you imagine your reader. For many of us toiling away at our computers, all we know is how stuck we feel, and the anxiety of not being compelling. When we expand our vision to the people out there who need to read our words, some of this falls away. When you think about your reader, as I am envisioning you know, who is petrified to do the thing you’re doing, you stop caring so much about whether you have what it takes and you do what it takes instead. Your reader becomes your focus, not you, not your insecurities, not your self-consciousness.
3. When you stop categorizing yourself as a good or bad writer. This is an easy trap to fall into. All through school and even professionally we’re labeled as a certain type of writer whether through grades or feedback. The thing is, at least to me, there is no such thing as a good or bad writer. There is a writer who writes, and writes, and writes again. Writing is a subjective industry. Yes writing can be bad. But I don’t believe there are bad writers. Maybe writers who don’t practice their craft. Writers who don’t edit or listen to feedback. But if we use this box to judge our every word, we’ll constantly be matching our writing up to standards that change as our writing changes. This black and white thinking can be paralyzing and contributes to that imposter syndrome we’re all familiar with except for you big ego writer, who should have stopped reading this.
4. When you’re full of gratitude. Today I did a very not smart thing. I gathered my family up, my two young sons, and my husband with a sore foot hiking because I wanted to hike for weeks and I had my Hike It Snoopy shirt on. I didn’t consider that it was lunchtime or the fact that we had a very antsy puppy with us into the equation. Of course, the day did not end well. The hike lasted a mere 15 minutes. But in that situation, I gained insight well worth the trip and all its whining. It’s very difficult to be in a place of gratitude and hold another emotion. When I was feeling the leaves under my feet, grateful for the cool breeze, I was genuinely happy. You can sustain this powerful presence if you can stay in the moment of your words. If you get out of that meditative place, go back to gratitude. Gratitude that I get to write. Gratitude that I feel inspired. Gratitude for the characters in my story. Gratitude for this one moment when the world outside matters less than the one I’m creating through my imagination.
5. When you’re inside your character’s experience. There’s nothing quite like being in the head and heart of your characters that can quickly pull you out of your own fears and insecurities. When you’re full of rage for what their partner said or in anguish about what he went through, your own worries fade in the background. Ironically getting to the computer is what triggers imposter syndrome, but writing is also its salve.

What things have helped you overcome writer’s imposter syndrome? And if you need support to get through it, I’d love to help.